28 weeks

I need to take a belly pic. People are starting to really comment that I look pregnant. It's kind of fun! I'm surprised that 1) I don't mind the attention, and 2) I don't mind when people touch my belly! I thought I would hate that. But I don't mind it.

The baby is moving a LOT. A lot a lot. Very active. I'm enjoying that quite a bit, too.

Pregnancy has been a most unusual season for me. It started off with morning sickness. Well, before that with a tiny bit of shock and awe. And then lots and lots of morning sickness and sleeping. And throwing up and sleeping. And not moving and sleeping. And gagging and sleeping. You get the gist. I thought it would never end, and I thought that I would never forget how terrible it was. Moms would say, "I know it doesn't feel like it, but the hardness of this time will be SO worth it, and you'll kind of forget how hard it was." I didn't believe them. And then around week 18 I started feeling better. About a month later, sure enough, the pain of the previous 3 months had already started to dissipate. And then I was happy and I could actually imagine having the baby and being able to take care of the baby.

And then. A season unlike any I've ever experienced. My dad said maybe it's a part of the curse. The curse put on the world when Adam and Eve sinned--that woman would bear pain with childbirth. And maybe the childbirth isn't just the physical act of giving birth, but the process of becoming a mom. The awesome--responsibility of being responsible for a LIFE! For bringing someone into the world and caring for them, and teaching them, and protecting them, and giving them your whole self. Giving up control. Giving up selfishness. Growing.

I've never pressed in to God so... relentlessly. It's been scary and terrifying and desperate. I know God says He uses the hard times--He can work all things for good--He will complete the work He's started in us--He uses the hard times as an entrance into our hearts. I know He uses the hard times to teach us how to depend on Him--to rely on Him--to pull closely to Him and cling on tightly.

He has placed people in my life to pray and encourage and stand with me. He's given me undeniable peace at strategic moments. I've never desired to be close to God more than now--to feel Him--to hear Him--to follow His leading. To  be FILLED with the spirit.

I know once again that, like morning sickness, healing will come. That there will come a day when I no longer remember the pain from this season. And then, as John 16:21 says, "It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world." 

God loves me

I'm kind of overwhelmed right now by the number of people that God has prompted to think about me or pray for me this weekend.

God loves me. His love is amazing, steady and unchanging, His love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet.

For the future...

We don't know who our baby is yet. We don't know boy or girl or size or shape or personality. But we know that God has GOOD things for baby Loup. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

I believe God has spoken to me about how baby Loup will be a peacemaker--will sow seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness (James 3). There is a call of God on baby Loup.

I look forward to baby Loup's first smile. I look forward to bonding times with baby Loup--like nursing and bathing and the times we're up together late at night. My mom said these times are the glue that hold a family together. What makes you a unit.

I look forward to watching Charlie as a dad. Watching as he teaches them to fish and hunt and play outside. How we'll go on family walks together, vacations together, trips to see my family together. We'll praise God in church together. Read bible stories together. Share God's faithfulness together. Play games together. Be silly together. Build sand castles together.

We'll be able to watch Baby's personality grow and giftings develop. To see the world through the eyes of a child.

Thankful part 2

I have more to be thankful for than that first list.

I get to be the middle sister. I have a big sister, and I have a little sister. I get to BE a big and little sister. That's something special and fun. And plus, having sisters is the best. Having MY sisters is the best.

I didn't get into nursing school. I would not have made a good nurse. I thank God that he closed that door for me so I could do something that I really love.

He put it in my heart to be an RD and I was drawn to the program in Minnesota when he finally started opening the doors for me to go back to school. From the way I looked at the program and talked about the program, Charlie knew we would be moving to Minnesota. And it was 2 of the best years. The maple-syruping. The checking on Charlie's chickens. The cutting down fresh Christmas trees. The walks in the snow and playing with the puppies in the snow. The trip to South Dakota. The days and nights cozied up inside. The experiences I had through my program.

I applied for a fellowship to learn more about developmental disabilities. My professors guaranteed me a spot in the program because I was the nutrition student that was applying. Months after I applied and was on summer break, God spoke to me that I wouldn't get into the program. A couple days later, I got an email from a professor telling me that I hadn't gotten in (she couldn't understand why?!) but that she wanted to offer me an assistantship with her. It turns out that the fellowship was down-funded, so my assistantship was MUCH better paid with MUCH fewer hours. AND I got to work with leaders in the field of maternal and child nutrition. I even got to go to an all paid conference in Kansas City as a part of the experience.

I am thankful I know I have celiac disease. I feel so much better following the gluten free diet than I have in years. I don't ache all the time anymore. I'm thankful God provided that answer.

I mentioned it last night, but I am thankful for the childhood I had growing up. My mom was able to stay home with us--we did fun things with her. She'd have hot cookies waiting for us when we got home. She spent time with us, teaching us how to cook. She'd treat us on Fridays to a donut. She encouraged us to read. She read us books about other countries and missionaries so we would have a world-view.

I come from a long line of Jesus-followers. That's pretty special. My mom was telling me last night about how her grandmother prayed for her mom and siblings. Mom's mom prayed for her and her siblings. Mom prays/ed for me, Susan, and Stacy. And I will love and pray for my children. I will be able to pass on the long legacy of loving God and loving people to my children. That started before me and it will continue into my children's children.

We used to go to the beach every summer with all of our cousins. It was the most fun. We'd get sunburnt and jelly-fish-stung and find shells on the beach and write on the tables at Fudpuckers.

God has put a burning love in me and Charlie for family. It's the most important thing to the both of us. God's put it on our hearts to adopt and foster and graft the riches of the Kingdom into His little ones. That's something we'll do together. He's also given Charlie (and in grad school gave me) a vision for New Roads--of getting healthy food to people who don't have access to it. Of teaching skills and work ethic to kids. Of pouring into people. Of seeing His Kingdom come to earth.

I am thankful for the example my parents have set. Their relentless pursuit of God and authenticity. How they lean on each other and support one another. But how they always look to God.

I am thankful Charlie and I have fun together. I'm thankful for our walks in the back--scooping for crawfish, watching the birds, stalking the roseate spoonbills. Picking blackberries. Letting the dogs swim. Watching goofy chase bugs. Or when we would go to the dog park in Minnesota. Playing War and how Charlie wins EVERY TIME. Cooking together. Fishing together. Car rides together.

I'm thankful we found Punkin. A few weeks ago we took the dogs on a walk in the back, and lost track of Punkin. After looking for her for over 2 hours, we were both convinced she had been eaten by an alligator or had drowned. I was a mess. As we were driving home, we got a call from Risa. Charlie's aunt had just driven by, and saw a dog by a trashcan on the side of the road that looked like one of our dogs. Sure enough, it was Punkin who had walked over 2 miles and across 2 highways and a railroad track. It was a miracle from God. No doubt. That silly little dog was protected by angels!

I'm thankful that God was so real to me at a young age--and how I have years of experiences and encounters with God that can encourage me when I'm feeling discouraged.

i am blessed

A very blessed woman. When I think about my life--everything God has given me. The family life I had growing up. My godly parents. A good education both in high school and in college. Getting to attend JBU. Learning about integrating faith and knowledge.

My husband. Charlie deserves like a 5 page book on why I am a blessed woman. He's patient, kind, thoughtful. He arranged to take my car in to get worked on (and found me an alternate vehicle to get to work) because he heard my car making a strange noise. He prayed the most beautiful prayer for me tonight.  I have two dogs that I love. I get to have an awesome support system down here found in Charlie's family.

The simple fact that Charlie and I found each other--that God miraculously brought us together and connected us when we were just kids--wow.

I have a job . I have a job where I get to serve people God really cares about.

We didn't have trouble getting pregnant. I know so many couples do have a hard time and I think it can feel devastating.

We found a church we love and fit into. We share in their vision and mission and have met some wonderful people there.

My life is GOOD. God is GOOD. my future is going to be GOOD.

Romans 15:13 NLT

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

It's aaaaaa......

Healthy baby!!

Sorry, yall. I forgot to blog a couple of weeks ago when we had the anatomy scan ultrasound. We decided not to find out if we're having a girl or a boy--it's a surprise!

We took a trip to Arkansas last week--we got to see Susan, Alan and the boys--along with a lot of other cousins we don't get to see often enough. It was for my cousin Ella's wedding--it was gorgeous. A gorgeous day, a beautiful wedding--I'm so happy for her! (And happy for us that we all got to get together! It seems like the people getting married get the short end of the stick as far as actually getting to spend time with the people who come in for the wedding! I remember feeling that way at Charlie and my wedding).  But I AM glad we got quality time with family. I really wish it could happen more often (and with less jet-lag and stress on Susan and the kids!)

I did, however, pick up a cold-now-turned-terrible-cough on the way. Whew. Baby's gonna get abs from this one. I'm going to have to break down and get cough medicine so I can sleep tonight.

I didn't expect for so much to happen internally and emotionally during pregnancy. I guess I expected mood swings--getting mad at silly things--crying at silly things--but not deep, emotional things. Thank God for supportive parents and a MIL who prays--and that He is with me EVERY step of the way. What would we do without him? Seriously?

I suppose it's something we are always working on, but I need to see myself in His image. What's harder, is that I am needing Him to show me a vision of what that looks like as a mom. I know I technically AM a mom now--but it doesn't come with the same daily grind that will be here soon.

Jesus. you are faithful. Thank you.

grandparents

Growing up, I didn't have grandparents. I always remember being sad on grandparents' day at school because all my friends would have their grandparents come eat with them at lunch, and I wouldn't. I never even got to meet them. So grandparents were probably a little idolized in my mind.

So when I imagined myself having children, their grandparents were always a big part of that picture. I've always wanted my parents to be a big part of my kids' lives.

I'm now 20 weeks away from a baby and realizing... what my reality looks like. I don't live close enough to my parents for routine life. Everything will require planning and effort and planning. I know they will still be a big part of my kids' lives--it just won't look like how I always wanted it to look. I'm just so lucky to have the parents I have. I'm so so blessed with their wisdom and steadiness and uncomplicated love.

I know that now when we get together everything is so intentional and we talk and catch-up and really make our time count. And I'm thankful for that--I know that's how it will be with grandkids, too. But the things they'll miss (and that I won't get to share with them) just break.my.heart.

This is the most depressing post ever.

I get to see them in a couple of weeks. Also, I have to remind myself that God knows all of this. When we moved to Minnesota, I KNEW that God had Charlie in mind, too. And he absolutely did by giving Charlie the opportunity to work on an organic farm and learn how a CSA works. (Not to mention us just having each other for 2 years, which was an amazing time I will always cherish). So I know if I could say that about Charlie, the same is true for me.

You're so faithful, God. Thank you.

20 weeks

Welllllll I am officially half-way through the pregnancy! (Although we'll have to see if I go long like Susan does, in which case I am NOT half-way)! I am just feeling so much better than I did in the first trimester. More energy, no nausea. It's awesome. My friend Amy just reminded me to enjoy the "golden trimester" since I think the third is just kind of uncomfortable. If I HAD a complaint (which I really don't) it would be that I still feel like I'm an awkward size... IS she pregnant? I feel big already (scaaaary!) but I know I don't LOOK big and pregnant yet. And I'm not loving how clothes look on me, so thank you everyone for being gracious and just telling me I look good. Please continue to do that NO MATTER WHAT. Kthanks.



This was our pregnancy announcement on social media. We announced on my birthday. I thiiiiiiiiink some people who never see me didn't know how cheesily photoshopped this picture is. Even some people at work who see me every day didn't know...? But that's okay. It makes me chuckle.

\

Stacy came into town this weekend! We went to New Orleans Friday (I took half-a-day at work). We went to the square and got Stacy and Charlie beignets and coffee. Risa, Stacy and Ethan went to a concert and got in laaaaaate.  Saturday night we went to the Harvest Festival in New Roads--it's funny because I think that's around the same week Stacy moved to Louisiana last year! I miss her. I miss having my family close. (This picture is a good example of how I feel like I'm an awkward size).

Our trip to New Orleans was fun, but frustrating. I have a gluten free app on my phone, and found a few gluten free restaurants close-by so I'd be able to have dinner there. Wellllllll we walked to one, and it was closed. Then I found the next one: closed. Then the next 5 closest ones were all $$$ or $$$$ restaurants, meaning they were out. I almost got panic-y because I was getting hungry and I get too sick to just order a salad somewhere and hope they prepared it safely. Charlie and Stacy were troopers and stuck with me and helped me figure out what to do. I just hate everything being about me. I HATE not being able to be flexible and pick the restaurant that we all want to go to. I hate that my only criteria for a "good meal" eating out is if I get sick or not. Almost all social situations revolve around food. Food is what brings people together! And sometimes I just feel.... out. It takes SO MUCH planning and energy! Social situations are really, truly the worst part of the disease. I imagine I'll get better at that part with time though. (And maybe they'll create a medicine by then!)

19 weeks

Soooo I'm pregnant! I think I've been kind of quiet on here for a while because 1) we hadn't announced yet, and 2) I haven't moved much in the last 3 months.

Can I just say morning sickness is not very much fun? And the name is misleading because you can throw up/feel nauseous morning, noon, and night. So pretty much from week 6-17 I slept, ate, and worked. That's pretty much it.

I'm feeling a lot better now--I've thrown up a few times this week, but for the most part it's not lasting all day. I have more energy, too--just feel better overall. Yay!!!!

Sometimes when you're that sick for 3 months, you forget what normal even feels like. What does it feel like to NOT be throwing up or wanting to throw up? Or be asleep or wanting to be asleep? I didn't take a nap this past Sunday and that was pretty amazing because I've taken 1 (or more :/) naps every single weekend since I got pregnant. (Not the mention the time or two my very wonderful co-worker found me powernapping in her office during my break(s).)

Being pregnant (for me) hasn't been glamorous.

I'm 19 weeks now. I really can't believe I'm almost half-way through the pregnancy! Baby is over half-a-pound and is 6.5'' not counting the legs! Apparently at week 20, you start counting the legs in length and baby will be around 10'' long. That's so amazing--I don't know how baby fits in there. Aaaaaand I'm sure I'll become more and more amazed (and aware) of that fact as we move along into baby's growth spurts.

I feel baby a little bit--but it's not terribly consistent yet. It's fun when I do though--I always want Charlie to see if he can feel it, but I don't think baby can kick that hard yet. Hopefully in the weeks to come he'll get to feel it. But he does talk to the baby several times a week and tells baby to go easy on me :) I guess it had never occurred to be before, but pregnancy is weird! You GROW a human inside of you. I'm growing a person. I'm probably also over-thinking it.

I ordered a couple of pairs of maternity jeans for my birthday, and I've just started wearing them. I still have a couple of large dress pants that still fit--and my jeans work okay with a belly-band--but maternity jeans are just so much more comfy! I'm going to get my dollars' worth out of these!

Hey baby--you are so special. God picked you out for your dad and me--he knew you'd be our first born. He knows everything about you. He knows that you're just what our family needs, and just what the world needs. I can't wait to meet you! Here's the scripture God gave me the first week we found out you'd be joining us:

James 3: 17-18
17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. 18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.[d]

We love you!

on my knees

Troubles chasing me again,
Breaking down my best defense,
I'm looking, God, I'm looking for you
Weary just won't let me rest and fear is filling up my head.
I'm longing, God I'm longing for you

But I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty, 
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching 
I'll find you on my knees.

So what if sorrow shakes my faith,
What if heartache still remains,
I'll trust you, my god I'll trust you. 
'Cause you are faithful and 
I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.

You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty, 
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching 
I'll find you on my knees, my knees. 

When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong 
When the pain is real, when it's hard to heal 
When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, God I know that

You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty, 
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching 
Find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty, 
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching 
I'll find you on my knees.

hmmmm

As a dietitian, why (or HOW for that matter) would I know how many bug zappers refills to order....?

Just wondering.

still a titch annoyed

I finally filed my claim for the little fender (finder?)-bender i was in a couple of weeks ago.
i called my witness to make sure it was okay to still use him--he said of course! he figured i would need a witness since i was backed into on a highway. that doesn't happen too often.
when the claims rep called me, he said he had talked to the girl and she was still claiming that i rear-ended her. that just annoys me! why do people have to lie?
why did the witness ASSUME that she would lie?!

i guess everyone lies on accidents. i just hate that. if i had run into the back of her, i would have apologized 1 million times before we parted ways that evening. 1 million. a full 1 million.

UGH.

it's been a week or two since we lost Rufus. we're not as mournful as we were at first, but it's still hard. he was the best boy in the world. i just want him to sell me a free sit, do a double shake, and smile about doing something bad. he was so good.

my allergies have been insane lately and i have no clue why.

and FYI--Charlie is literally giving away his eggplants, onions, and tomatoes. i did pricing today. wow.

baby goat

i don't have enough pictures of just the two of us

RDLJ

  http://youtu.be/pf6TR-mqC_4

Too sad to write.

Don't judge his favorite song.

Endurance

Wow. Today my faithful X-terra rolled over to 200,000 miles. I've seen it coming, and have had it on the main odometer so I wouldn't miss it. I even knew it was going to happen TODAY on the way to or from church--so I've been planning how I'd capture the 199,999 and the 200,000. Funny thing is, I don't normally drive to church--Charlie does. But today I did drive--and I totally forgot. I noticed at the gas station that I had missed this monumental occasion by 8 whole miles.

My parents bought me this vehicle the summer after my Freshman year at JBU. My dad helped me look at cars... test-drive cars... price cars. He asked me what my DREAM CAR was if I could pick. I told him a black X-terra. He looked it up--he priced them... he read reviews and issues with the different models... and guess what my daddy bought me? A black X-terra. In great shape.

I can't remember how many miles it had on it at the time, but I test drove it and he drove it, and then he made an offer. The dealer accepted.

I've been driving this car now for almost 10 years. It has been the most reliable, faithful, dependable car there is. We've had very few issues with it, and it was paid in full when given to me--so it's given me a level of freedom some others don't get a experience. I haven't had to worry with car notes or constantly breaking down.

When I was staring at my odometer, I was thinking about how incredibly thankful I am to my parents for getting me this car. And how, on Father's day, I am thankful for the parallel way this car reflects my relationship with my father. When I was younger and living in closer proximity, my dad took the things he knew to be true and trustworthy and dependable and taught those things to me. More than anything else my father has given me, he's given me the wisdom of his life. He's given me the tools to use--now that I am no longer under his roof--to help me endure.

The car he gave me has gotten me 200,000 miles. The lessons he taught me and the example he set will get me infinitely further.

Thanks Daddy! I love you!

case of the wednesdays

A girl backed into me yesterday at a 4-way stop. she was trying to avoid getting her front-end smashed by an 18-wheeler when she bumped into me. she must have been thinking so hard about the truck that she didn't look behind her. i saw the whole thing happening--i even thought about backing up, myself, but she had enough room and i definitely never thought she would hit me.

when her mother arrived at the scene i assured her that it wasn't her daughter's fault and that she was trying to not get hit in the front when the mom looked at me confused and said, 'what? you hit HER!"

uhhhhhhhhhhhh

she asked her daughter again what happened and she said "i don't know! she hit me from behind!"

seriously?

someone had even tracked down the semi-truck and given the girl his license plate number.

but nooooo i guess the only thing that happened what that i rear-ended her.

i was so annoyed. and i thought i was holding it together until the police officer came and went and i started driving home and got semi-hysterical. why? i was fine. she was fine. this is why we have insurance.

i felt like such a loony-toon.

i had a bad headache today and can't decide if it's related to the "Accident" or not--she was driving very slowly when she bumped me, so it wasn't high impact. i was looking straight ahead watching the entire thing happen. so i don't know if it's related or not.

in other news, goofy went to the vet yesterday. they said he's not paralyzed. they did electric-stim-acupuncture. he's going 2 more times. we have exercises and supplements to do with him. he's the best doggy ever. and we hope he gets better. but we're tired. it's just a lot.

sooooo annoyed.

a car backed into me today (to avoid getting hit by a semi)--and then LIED ABOUT IT to the police and her mother.

seriously.

annoyed.

the next thing

I was thinking about it on my way home last night.

well, let me start by saying I missed 3 days of work last week for a nasty cold-turned-sinus-infection, so i was in some major-need of work-catch-up. i have one of those jobs where i am the only person who can do my job at my job. it's me. that's it. so if i'm not there, the work doesn't get done for me. (i know probably a lot of you have jobs like that. charlie's job is like that.) so i was feeling some major pressure to get a few things done so next week i will have time to deal with the catastrophes that happened at work while i was laying in bed dying. (yes, i'm being dramatic).

so after several hours of playing catch-up on a Saturday i had a meeting to get to for church. we just re-launched our church in a permanent building, which is lovely. the church (the body of believers) is still the same, but it's really nice to have a permanent building to meet in. but we had a meeting for volunteers to go over some of the changes to the service and to let us know how things will work in the new building.

after that, i headed back to our side of the river for charlie's debut farm-stand-on-the-river. there was a lot of interest--people goose-necking to see what we were doing--and several cars who turned around further up the road and came back to purchase things. it was a great first afternoon--i think a sign of good business to come.

i put it on facebook, but i'm SO proud of charlie. he is a man who is true to his word. if he tells you something, you can believe it and count on it. i love that about him. i love how incredibly dedicated he is to being a hard-working, honest business-man. he -truly- does not want to rip anyone off. he wants to give people the best deal he can so everyone can enjoy and afford quality produce (or pecans or crawfish). and i love that about him. ask him a question about his business or business practices. he'll tell you. sadly enough we've run across some people in the business who aren't in it for the same reasons--we've run across lies and deception and... greed. i pray to God He keeps both charlie and my heart pure. i have a feeling that's just how God made charlie's heart. i, on the other hand, am fairly certain it's a lesson God will have to teach me at some point or another.

wow so anyway. anyone still reading? to the point i was originally going to make. as i was driving home from the farm stand i was thinking about all of these things--me having a real job. charlie growing his business with sweat and love. having a church family we love and fit into--and are a part of! spending hours taking care of our paralyzed dog (with SO MUCH gratitude to charlie's mom for bearing the brunt of that!) (we owe you!) I even checked out a double cab truck on my drive home because i know sometime in the (nearish) future, we're going to need both of our vehicles to have a back seat! for things like booster seats or car seats for biological or foster children!

it dawned on me on that ride home that we're entering into that "next phase"--that part of life we've been dreaming about since we were married--before we were married--since i was young. i feel now, more than i ever have before, that we're adults. that we have--earned our right?--as adults. responsible people. contributing to our community.

i want to blog.

i have a cold.

we went to a wedding last weekend in texas.

It had "light savors" as Fox called them. light savors and super-hero shirts. it was fun. aaaaand i got to see my beautiful friend Amy!

okay. that's all i have the energy for.

lessons learned (part 5)

Sometimes, I feel like a slug.

Other times, you bite into your beautiful fresh strawberry, and uncover a slug.

Yum.

what am i to do?

I taught sunday school yesterday to the 4-5 year olds. they were precious. they listened well. they could re-tell the story about abraham and sarah moving to a foreign land and God blessing them for listening to him.

we played with play-dough. we sang 'joshua fought the battle of jericho' and too many verses of "Jesus loves me". we played toss the beach ball. we colored our very own puzzles.

and then there was snack time. goldfish.

and i got glutened. even though the lady helping me actually served the goldfish.

but 5 year old hands touch everything and go everywhere.

 what's a girl to do?

quotes of the day

"I think I have a slight case of rabies. They go gradually insane, you know."

"The queen of England has a wooden leg, doesn't she?"

yeah.

Today a patient offered me her bra.
I believe it went "I've got a bra I think you could use dah'lin"

Louisiana Heart Gallery (PCP, W and E Feliciana edition)

May is national foster care awareness month. 

There are 5000 children in foster care in Louisiana alone. 327 of them are available for adoption. The children in this picture are those who are waiting to be adopted in Pointe Coupee, West and East Feliciana Parishes. I wanted to remember the motherless on a day like Mother's day, and remind everyone that being a mother comes in many forms. God commanded us to care for the widows and orphans!

Pastor Timmy had me in a high traffic area on Sunday, but most people just looked without asking questions. One woman seemed very interested, but another woman who was adopted and had adopted two babies tried to talk her out of foster care! She said it's too hard and you get too attached.

One man thanked me for having a table set up--he was also adopted.

And one little boy kept staring at a picture on the table. He came back to the table over and over again. Finally, he said "he was my best friend last year--how did you get a picture of him?" I explained what the table was, and he then proceeded to try to convince his parents to adopt him :) It was very sweet.

Other than that, most people that came by frowned and said it was too hard to look at. 

I'm not sure what reaction I was expecting, but Sunday wasn't it?

I think I'll try to set up at least next week so maybe people will get curious enough to ask about it. I know awareness is one of the biggest points and that (obviously) not everyone is called to foster or adopt. 

I guess it's hard when you are really passionate about something and people... don't care. Charlie feels that way about vegetables. My dad feels that way about Theology. I know missionaries feel that way about missions. Some stay-at-home moms feel that way about staying home just like some working moms feel that way about careers. It's just hard. And I guess Charlie and I aren't quite to the point that we can actually foster or adopt (although we are getting closer). 

The faces break my heart. I started crying when I started opening the files and seeing their faces. So I understand when people say it's too hard to look at. I guess it's easier to ignore when you can't see their faces and their smiles and realize that they were best friends with your children. 

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just needed to say something.

The continuum of motherhood

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who have aborted children – we remember them and you on this day

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

from http://www.messymiddle.com/2012/05/10/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/

This is beautiful. Happy Mothers Day to all the women out there.

lessons learned (part 4)

i was mowing the yard the other day and hit a rather large hole in the ground (our lot is -really- uneven, i've learned after mowing it the last month or so). anyhow, i got the lawnmower stuck in said hole. ooops. i tried moving forward and backward. no luck.

i had to call charlie.

charlie came to the rescue with his employee leonardo (who is about 13). and the best 13 year old there ever was. charlie pushed me out of the hole with leonardo looking on. after i was out, leonardo said, "don't worry! i don't think i would have seen that hole either!"

be kind. be understanding. be humble.

lessons learned (part 3)

i went to the fair with nic, crystal, fox, charlie, and arisa on saturday night. we were watching fox and risa on the Ferris wheel when an -extremely- drunk woman with two small boys came stumbling over. she was stumbling around with her drink and slurring at the boys, "do yall want to ride that? -i- don't want to ride that. WHO WANTS TO RIDE WITH THEM? someone? anyone? you can have freeeee tickets to ride with them. you girls?" finally (after a little prompt from crystal), i said i would take them on the ferris wheel. cutest little boys ever.

we hopped on and i started talking to them. brothers. one 3, one 2. they were calling the woman "denise" so i assumed it was their dad's girlfriend or something? we waved at denise each time we went around. we looked at the fingernail moon. we looked at the lights. we looked at the other rides. the younger one flipped backwards in his seat to look behind us (don't worry. i had a death grip on him.) i asked him to put his back against the seat and he snapped back at me (i think in Spanish)... but i got the gist of what he was saying. "nuh-uh. i do what i want." so then i had to keep my death grip on him for the rest of the ride. even when he kicked off one of his CUTE little cowboy boots. and then i had to grip him and his shoes.

when we got off i told denise how precious they were and started to put jamie's shoes back on. she was getting frustrated that it took so long and said, "put your damn shoes.. i mean come on. let's get your shoes back on." she told me she's not their mom or step-mom or anything--just their neighbor. thank God, she added.

i was (of course) imagining having kids like that as foster kids. and how when they're 2 they've already learned habits and can talk back and want to do things their way (maybe that's all 2 year olds?) i was imagining how difficult it would be to raise kids whose parents have always let them do what they want (okay i was making a lot of assumptions. but people. what kind of parent leaves their small children at a fair with an INCREDIBLY drunk woman?)

lesson learned? don't leave your small children at a fair with an incredibly drunk woman.
also? i thought about kidnapping them, but then thought legally keeping kids is probably the way to go.

lessons learned (part 2)

i can't take credit for this lesson. a lady from church shared it at our women's night last friday.

she said she was meditating on "deep calling to deep" and wondering what that means and what that looks like with our walk with God. going deeper with God can seem really scary and really risky. but then she said God gave her a vision.

she saw all the storms and tornadoes we have been having in the south lately, and she saw a family in their house. and if you're in a storm or you know a storm is coming, you don't go up to your bedroom on the second floor to try to hold everything down and make sure all of your stuff is okay. No. You go into the basement--you go into the deepest part of your house where you know you and your family will be safe. then she saw the family in the basement and they were crowded around a radio--carefully listening for the report about the storm. that's where they get their information on what's -really- going on outside. while they're safe in the deep place.

that picture is so powerful to me. hearing God while i'm safe in the deep place while the storm is going on around me outside. listening carefully while things are most chaotic. resting when things seem most unsure.

lessons learned (part 1)

We have a patient. We'll call her Ms F. sometimes she thinks she's a man. sometimes she's a woman. she has multiple mental health issues going on. she flips from smiling and loving you to cursing you out and telling you to go away in seconds. yeah. she also claims to be married to one of our male patients. he goes along with it. i think mostly because it's easiest that way. some staff members were talking to her and asked her about kissing another patient. she got really angry and yelled "HE'S JUST MY FRIEND! EVERYONE LOVES ME BECAUSE I'M SUCH A PLEASANT PERSON!" i almost had to leave the room after that. lesson learned? be pleasant and everyone will love you :)

tmi

I was able to go home for easter this year. it was awesome. seeing the babies and my sisters and my parents. it was a great weekend. albeit went by entirely too quickly. but i will always take a weekend with those Galbos.

Mimi took Rufus to the vet yesterday. he thought rufus looked alright--he thought the weakness may be related to being kenneled for so long (but we've done that per vet recommendations!) but now he gets to exercise more, so maybe he'll be less depressed, too. but the best part was that the vet anointed rufus with oil and they prayed for him. i'm glad they did that. i love that goofy dog.

i'm so tired.

i think surveyors are coming here next week. they're down the street this week. yay a whole week to freak out before they come here! i'm going to try not to. but i kind of am.

okay. tmi. i think about babies all the time! it doesn't help that caleb and asher are the most precious babies to ever live. now. to convince charlie that kids are as cool as i say they are :)

okay really tmi. but i feel like we're getting close to time to start a family whether it is fostering or having a baby. i love watching charlie interact with L--the 13 year old he's hired. i guess God puts these things inside of us, so why fight it?

okay i'm done saying too much.

tomorrow's monday.

again/already.

i mowed both of our yards today. i think it probably took me a total of 3 hours. i think. i started the big yard around 1:30--and finished the false river lot at 5. that's a lot of mowing and i have the sun burn to prove it.

and i had twigs in my hair. and a centimeter of grime of my back. that made me feel even more legit.

then i got to catch up with a dear friend :)

and i made a stir fry tonight with green onions, swiss chard, edamame and quinoa. it was quite tasty! i flavored it with sesame oil, rice vinegar, soy sauce, ginger, and cayenne. i forgot the carrots! i think carrots would have been good in it.

May is national foster care and adoption month. i'm going to see if my pastor will let me put up a table at church with all of the children in our region who are available for adoption. (i can't take credit for the idea--our "mother" church in baton rouge has a ministry focused on this year-round). but i'm excited. i'm not sure that now is our time to start fostering, but it's something i feel so strongly about--i need to get involved somehow!

discern

yall. i think i've lost my gift of discernment. i think it's gone. i used to be (creepily) accurate with discerning people's character.

since i've been at my job, it's all over. i can't tell a cat from a coon.

maybe it's a good thing? 90% of the patients have criminal histories. maybe God just wants me to love everyone because they all deserve to be loved? maybe he doesn't want me to sense the darkness like i used to be able to do? i'm not sure. but seriously. i don't think i have it anymore. 

feelings

I have a few minutes of my lunch break left.
Sometimes, when I self-examine myself, I see one of my biggest faults as being too emotional. I'm high. Or I'm low. I'm sad, or I'm happy. Whatever I'm feeling, I'm feeling it strongly.

Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I saw it as a gift.
I observed a staff member berating a patient for missing breakfast and lunch. She was SO AGGRAVATED that the patient wanted a snack before supper after NOT EATING ALL DAY.

How do you get to the point that you're that hard? It probably WAS the patient's "fault" that she missed the meals, but I'm sorry. No one could do something "to me" that would make me feel okay about not feeding them. We have protocols for that.

I would rather feel intensely than not at all.

somewhere I'd rather be

with my family (yay easter!)

at the beach with my family 

At grand isle with Charlie

At grand isle with Punkin

in the back

this one is just because i love camels. for some strange reason.

TAXES.

omyheavens. taxes.

double solitaire

so. today i played cards with a patient. let's call her Bebe. i'm not sure why, but that's what we're gonna call her. she was in a car accident when she was in high school (i believe) that affected her cognition. she's probably 50? now? but she's very child-like. we got a deck of cards and i shuffled them, but then a patient approached us and quickly picked up the cards and said we could NOT play with them because her name was on them! it was true, and i apologized (i wasn't trying to take anyone's cards!) then Bebe and i didn't know what to do. the rec director went to find us some, but then Bebe got a gleam in her eye and said, "wait! i have a deck of cards!" then she started reaching down into her shirt and pulled out a deck!!! i cracked up (i wish you could have been there) and i said "ms Bebe--i can't believe you keep a deck of cards in your bra!" she was giggling hysterically with me and said, "i don't! i don't wear a bra!" she taught me a game called double solitaire. she was extremely patient with me every time i asked a question. and yall. Bebe was so honest that every time i made a mistake, she'd point it out and let me replay my cards. she grinned and said in her slow, southern drawl, "i try not to be a cheater!" she said her dad taught her to play when he was alive and that the reason the game is so fun is because it's all left to chance. you never know what card is going to come up next. so true, ms Bebe. be honest and have fun because you never know what's going to come up next.

hot

i'm zonked. this has been a long week. draining. i've also been kind of emotional. and hot. i've been hot flashing all day. maybe it's the humidity? it just feels so hot even though it's not that hot. i was huffing and puffing this morning because i sweated all night and sweated while getting ready this morning because charles won't turn the a/c on. and so i was huffing and puffing and he told me to get over it. (he's sooooooo super sweet sometimes). aaaaaand then he looked at the thermostat and it said 75. WHY WAS I SWEATING?! i may or may not have tried to diagnose a patient today with celiac disease. sooo that's cool. i'm hungry. i'm picking up GF brownies tonight for mom-in-law's birthday (to be celebrated tomorrow). aaaand i kind of want to make an extra batch and eat all of them. i miss when charles would write me long letters. i probably always will.

Currently mad at...

Starburst jelly beans. As I now believe they are contaminated with trace amounts if gluten. Enough to knock me into bed at 730 and asleep (now).

today my job is stressful.

Good weekend.

Good weekend. Life group. Froggin. Pottery workshop. With a new friend from church. 13 going on 30. Church. 3-5 year old class orientation. Potluck. Good gf bread (canyon bakehouse, FYI). Tanning while mowing. Crawfish boil. A mawmaw hug.

all the praise goes out to you

isn't the holy spirit a wonderful gift?

I've been reading some really good scriptures lately.

Ezekiel 12

^21-22 God’s Message came to me: “Son of man, what’s this proverb making the rounds in the land of Israel that says, ‘Everything goes on the same as ever; all the prophetic warnings are false alarms’?

^23-25 “Tell them, ‘God, the Master, says, This proverb’s going to have a short life!’

“Tell them, ‘Time’s about up. Every warning is about to come true. False alarms and easygoing preaching are a thing of the past in the life of Israel. I, God, am doing the speaking. What I say happens. None of what I say is on hold. What I say, I’ll do—and soon, you rebels!’ Decree of God the Master.”

^26-28 God’s Message came to me: “Son of man, do you hear what Israel is saying: that the alarm the prophet raises is for a long time off, that he’s preaching about the far-off future? Well, tell them, ‘God, the Master, says, “Nothing of what I say is on hold. What I say happens.”’ Decree of God, the Master.”

Isaiah 63:13-14

Where is the one who led them through the bottom of the sea? They were like fine stallions racing through the desert, never stumbling. As with cattle going down into a peaceful valley, the Spirit of the Lord gave them rest. You led your people, Lord, and gained a magnificent reputation.

Isaiah 51:11

Those who have been ransomed by the Lord will return. They will enter Jerusalem singing, crowned with everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be filled with joy and gladness.

Matthew 5:3-12

³ “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

⁴ “You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

⁵ “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

⁶ “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

⁷ “You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.

⁸ “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

⁹ “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.

¹⁰ “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.

^11-12 “Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

2 Thess 2:16

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal comfort and wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you say and do.

Isaiah 55

The Message (MSG)

Buy Without Money

55 ^1-5 “Hey there! All who are thirsty,
    come to the water!
Are you penniless?
    Come anyway—buy and eat!
Come, buy your drinks, buy wine and milk.
    Buy without money—everything’s free!
Why do you spend your money on junk food,
    your hard-earned cash on cotton candy?
Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best,
    fill yourself with only the finest.
Pay attention, come close now,
    listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words.
I’m making a lasting covenant commitment with you,
    the same that I made with David: sure, solid, enduring love.
I set him up as a witness to the nations,
    made him a prince and leader of the nations,
And now I’m doing it to you:
    You’ll summon nations you’ve never heard of,
and nations who’ve never heard of you
    will come running to you
Because of me, your God,
    because The Holy of Israel has honored you.”

^6-7 Seek God while he’s here to be found,
    pray to him while he’s close at hand.
Let the wicked abandon their way of life
    and the evil their way of thinking.
Let them come back to God, who is merciful,
    come back to our God, who is lavish with forgiveness.

^8-11 “I don’t think the way you think.
    The way you work isn’t the way I work.”
        God’s Decree.
“For as the sky soars high above earth,
    so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
    and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
    and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
    producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
    not come back empty-handed.
They’ll do the work I sent them to do,
    they’ll complete the assignment I gave them.

^12-13 “So you’ll go out in joy,
    you’ll be led into a whole and complete life.
The mountains and hills will lead the parade,
    bursting with song.
All the trees of the forest will join the procession,
    exuberant with applause.
No more thistles, but giant sequoias,
    no more thornbushes, but stately pines—
Monuments to me, to God,
    living and lasting evidence of God.”

Tuesdays

Currently drinking: Franzia mixed with sprite zero (both leftover from this weekend).
Classy.

I had another good day at work today. I think I'm on a roll. I also thinks it has something to do with the women's meeting I went to Friday night. It was -so- refreshing. I felt God like I haven't in a while.

Punkin spent the day with Aunt Stacy and Tiggy. Is it weird how much I like that Punkin and Tiggy are BFFs? Becauseeeee I love it. Maybe it's mixed with a little joy over having my sister close.

I listened to a webinar today on Mindless eating (and how to mindlessly eat better). Pretty much the summary was USE SMALLER PLATES, CUPS, ETC! Seriously. Simple as that. Even if you're aware of it, you WILL eat more the bigger your plate or bowl is. So just start with a smaller one and get seconds if you're still hungry.

My dad submitted his final PhD paper!! Yay Daddy!!  SO proud of him.

thanks

I really love the patients here. really really. so many of them have a child-like attitude, that's quite touching. yep, they're definitely the best part of my job.

we weren't at "our" house this weekend--there was a big reunion there. but i think this was my best homeless weekend so far. an -amazing- women's meeting friday night (aunt carol--i discovered i go to church with Lisa King! she asked about yall.)

i went shopping with stacy on saturday, and then went to dinner and a movie with risa, ash, crystal and mrs. annie. we had a lot of fun.

welll, there was that whole lost-key-stranded-in-baton-rouge thing. but it turned out to be an adventure and stacy came and rescued us after midnight. (thank goodness for sisters who can step in when husbands fall asleep when you're trying to ask for help). and ashleigh saved us, too.

and then sunday, i helped charlie pack some of his csa boxes for the week. i love him--i hope i get to actually see him while he's in his seasons. he works too hard. and then stacy and i went to new orleans for an adventure. we laughed a lot. and whispered. and drank coffee. aaaaaand--it was good. she's a super model.

i was beat last night, but i woke up feeling thankful. i feel so thankful. and full. Thank you, God.

What's on your web browser?

  I think it says a lot? Celiac disease. Foster care. Blogger. How tall is Beyoncé (haha--I started with Zooey d. But Beyoncé is most popularly googled for height. Followed by Taylor swift). Anyhow--I had a great weekend and a super fun time today with my sister at a modeling expo in NOLA. We laughed a lot and had a good time. Buttttt I'm beat now! Now for a full week of work!

go on

Wellllllll I guess no one is coming to the office for lunch today, so I'll blog while I eat.
Not exactly the mindful eating philosophy i believe in, but what can you do?

Charlie bought his first tractor yesterday. I'm so proud of him and so thankful to God that he provided a way for Charlie to get it. His spring CSA starts Sunday, and he's really feeling the crunch (between that and our housing situation). Right now Jesse's helping him install electricity so he can have a non-crawfishy cooler for his produce. Yay Jesse! Theeeeen he has to find a home for some of the stuff we don't have space for and have been storing on the carport. Sorry, Charlie.

I haven't been home in forever. I think i went home more/saw my family more when we were in Minnesota. I guess because i was on a school schedule and not a work schedule. I miss them sosomuch. I haven't even gotten to see Asher walk yet! And he's the middle child like me, so he's probably going to get a complex about that. So i need to remedy this soon. Maybe I'll quit my job. Please?

I actually had a pretty good day yesterday. Lots of interacting with patients, and that's, by far, the highlight of the job. I looove them!

Somehow everything i go through only increases my desire to do foster care. things you wouldn't think are related are somehow connections to me. I really look forward to the day God says "go".

Day 2

But it's more like day 1 of the annual ides of march challenge because I didn't do it yesterday. I initiated our tradition and totally forgot.
We're busy. I know everyone is. But we're moving out of the house for the weekend and have 1 million things to do.
Theme of the year.
I had a nightmare last night about our inevitable state audit that's going to happen any day. I was literally suffocating in my dream. From trying to wear enough protective kitchen stuff (think hairnets and gloves for my whole body.)
Terrifying.
I'm on my phone--maybe I'll blog from a computer tomorrow?

today.

Today, a woman who (sometimes) thinks she's a man asked me a question. She was pleasant. Then she got -really- angry at me and yelled, "GO AWAY! GET AWAY FROM ME! GO DO YOUR JOB! GO BE A MODEL AND MODEL SOMEWHERE. LEAVE ME ALONE!" Serious. and very mad. Soooooooo I walked away quickly and closed the door behind me.

Next, I had an in-service for the kitchen staff. They've been making quite a few careless mistakes lately. So we were going over tray accuracy. I worked hard on my little talk and presentation and thought I did a pretty darn good job. I was proud of myself. THEN, the kitchen manager said (in front of everyone and me) that the staff doesn't "Feel the love" from me? He said more than that, but the gist was basically that they don't like me. I'm better than some of the people before me, but still not great.

My JOB is to find their mistakes. That's literally my job description for that part of my job. I said, "I brought yall a king cake?! Isn't that love?" He laughed. So I'm still kind of confused.

My life.

10 reasons why it's good to not blog

Just kidding.

My blogging skills are becoming worse and worse these days.

Things around here have been pretty crazy.

I'm struggling with my job. I LOVE the patients, and I would really like to gain more experience and training in working with a mental health population. Right now, I'm not super at it--definitely not in the counseling arena. But I really like it--and I think that's a big piece of the puzzle. A friend asked me what other jobs as an RD I could get in this field--I honestly have no clue. Maybe a personal counselor for families--but that's about all I can think of.

The celiac thing is still pretty hard on me. I'm trying to get better at it. I kind of have to. It's so stressful to me for some reason.  I think it's the uncertainty--never knowing when something is going to make me sick. You can't see it coming, and no matter how crazy-controlling I am about what I put into my mouth--I still get sick from time to time. That's stressful to me. If I do everything right, I shouldn't get sick, right?

I've been exercising after work lately. A lot of times Stacy meets me there. I'm really enjoying having her down here. She's family. We have 22 years of history together. And she's pretty cool.

My big sister's having another baby--another boy. And she just bought a house in Colorado. Time to plan a vacation.

I want to start a family. Too personal for a blog, huh? Dang grad school. (I'm very happy I went to grad school. It just pushed back some things).