i feel like i need to give a shoutout to my bestie melissa... whose birthday was on Tuesday. that girl has stuck with me through thick and thin. she is even, steady, and loyal. and she's beautiful. thanks for always being there for me, mel. i love you. i can honestly say that i would NOT be the person i am today without you. you kept my head on straight when it was spinning.
i was thinking about melissa and how many things we've been through together. middle school... jr high... high school... college. and, although more distantly, post-college. sometimes i forget who i used to be. sometimes i have no memory (or poor memory) of the past and how i felt and who i was. in some ways, old friends are like a journal of your life.
i was reading my old xanga and remembering things i hadn't thought of in years... that's so odd. that rush of old feelings and old memories you didn't know were there. reading my old xanga is like being re-introduced to myself. i don't think of myself as changing that much... but i have. in some ways. and. in other ways i feel like i'm just recapping my day today. although possibly more articulately.
what am i doing? where am i going? am i a good friend? how do i live my life intentionally and passionately and moving in the direction of something good? why did that happen? when will this happen? God, I love you.
i feel things deeply. i always have, and i imagine i always will. but i know one thing. things always come back to "God, I love you." always. you can count on it. i have been through some dark times. i have been through sad things and hard things and stressful things and plenty of things i don't understand. but i know my God. and i know He is faithful. He will complete the good work He has started in me. even when my head is spinning. even when i can't exactly remember where i came from. even when i pout and drag my feet along. even when i'm scared and ask 10,000,000 questions. that i get no answers to ;)
anyway. i don't know if this will make sense to anyone else... but i'm just feeling overwhelmed with thankfulness right now.
thank you dear :)
ReplyDeletea promise you a phone call is on the way!