i have a problem. (actually a couple of them, depending on how you look at it. such as how are we going to get charlie's truck, rufus, and punkin up to minnesota.) (or how randomly moody/emotional i can be at times.) (or who in the WORLD is going to adopt moomoo. i've asked every single person i know.)
but in particular, as far as THIS post is concerned, i have a major problem with fear. i'm reading two books right now on being brave and going after your dreams and not letting your fears prevent you from reaching your potential... but i honestly don't have toooo terribly many fears in that department. this is a raw, basic fear of someone breaking into my house and hurting me.
i'm not afraid of airplanes or car wrecks or shark attacks or normal things that people have serious fear about. but i can't _handle_ being home alone at night. i can't do it. the last time charlie went out of town i "slept" in the living room with every light in the house on and the tv on and my 120lb lab next to me. seriously? i'm (almost) 25.
charlie keeps telling me that he can't always be with me so i have to work through this. and yes, i totally agree. but more sleepless nights -really- aren't going to solve it for me. and this isn't something i can just "get over"... i tried that. promise.
he keeps asking me what-in-the-world could happen. and i can think of millions of things that could happen. murders and rapes happen. i happen to know a few people those things have happened to. then there's kidnappings and stalkers and just a LOT of really bad people out there. my mind can think up PLENTY of things that could happen. and to the question, "do you really think being afraid will help you?" i reply, yes, actually, i do. at least if something happens i may be somewhat ready for it. God's job isn't to prevent anything bad from happening to us. i know that because i've observed life happen. and honestly, that scares me even more.
i honestly haven't a clue who reads my blog. there may be one dear reader (my mother?) (or two if you count her reading it aloud to my dad.) but i could really use some encouragement or words of wisdom. i copied down a million verses last night about fear. and i am going to start memorizing them. but seriously. i need your help. email me or facebook me or leave me a comment. please?
The World Is Not Enough (Film Review)
1 day ago
Security system! I had the same fear and it went away when we got the system. I can bring it back to you in AR or you can get it when you drive through. We're not even using it right now. It might also help moving to a new place where you don't have a peeping Tom.
ReplyDeleteHey, Steph! You could start taking a martial arts or self defense class so that you might feel more confident in your ability to protect yourself. Or keep pepper spray by your bedside.
ReplyDeleteYou just described ME. I have two roommates so there is rarely a time when only one of us is sleeping in the house, but just last week they were both gone for three days. And we have an alarm system. 2x4's barring every window and sliding door shut. We have a dog. And yet I slept very fitfully, with most of the lights on. I can at least pinpoint my anxiety to last year, when we had a serial rapist in my neighborhood targeting single white women. Awesome. He's been caught and put in jail, and I know self-defense. But as you probably well know, mind over matter doesn't so much help in the wee hours of the night. I'm visiting a friend in a week and she asked if I'd be okay staying in a guesthouse by myself down the street from her house and I had to say no, because I'd be freaking out every night. But that's where I am right now, and I hope that won't be the case forever.
ReplyDeleteI guess all I can say is that hey, I'm with you in praying my fears, trying to find my rational side when I'm overcome by anxiety, and on the tangible end of things? I take a "sleep aid." Target brand OTC sleeping pill that's basically a Tylenol PM minus the Tylenol. And it absolutely helps to know that even if my brain is terrified, eventually I WILL sleep, whether I want to or not :) Plus, I never have that groggy feeling in the morning. Best of luck!