well THAT sure expains a lot...

when i was in college i took a "personality" test called Strengths Finder for iLead.  they have narrowed down strengths into 26 categories, and after taking an assessment, they determine what your top 5 are.  the premise is that people are much more successful and productive when they focus on their strengths rather than their weaknesses. 

when i was in college my strengths were:
achiever
connectedness (that the world has greater purpose and we're all a part of that plan)
input (it's like collecting things... including information or knowledge)
learner
intellection (deep thought)


I actually kind of hated my results.  i felt like they were very "me" focused and that... basically... i was a big nerd.  i always complained to my boss, Becci about this.  i told her i didn't like my "strengths" and that i didn't see how they could help me or benefit anyone else either.

well.  fast-forward 6 years and here i am in grad school in a Public Health Nutrition Leadership class and they've asked us to take it.  so i decided to take it again rather than just depend on my old results.  i took the advice of our teacher and tried to answer "extremes" on the scales on the test rather than answering moderately.  i was really nervous when i pressed submit because i was afraid i would get the same old nerdy scores.

but then they came up.
i'm still achiever.  of course.  that one will probably plague me forever.

i'm still connectedness.  this one is just part of me, too.  i see life as a very connected thing.  i see people and people groups as needing one another and being part of the same great story.

i'm still intellection.  which i don't think i understood when i took the test back then. but i definitely spend a LOT of time just thinking and processing.  everything.

and then i added two great ones:
Developer and Strategy.

I want everyone to know their potential and have an opportunity to reach it.  ...and strategy. with every single thing that happens... i think of every single outcome.  my brain follows these webs of "what-if" to the n-th degree.  about everything.

this explains so much!!  strategy + intellection = scary.
every conversation i have i dissect and review it.  i think of everything i could have said or they could have said and how that would have changed the conversation.  i think about everything that has happened and how if one thing had changed, it would have changed everything.  i think about the future, and how each decision i make has a ripple effect.  it's like i see these mazes of possibility.

in some ways this makes me sound pessimistic because i can see potential barriers.  or because i can think of every single bad thing that could ever happen. ever.  what i've got to get better at is putting plans into place so i (or someone else) can overcome the barriers i can see out there in the future.  i've always kind of felt guilty that my brain works this way, but it has been such a relief to understand myself a little better and to know it's not a BAD thing!  i can use it as a strength!

if you've read this far, i owe you something nice.  and you are an impressive friend.  my maze-like brain just needed to unload this :)