31 weeks

Almost 32. AJ has tripled in size over the last couple of weeks. At least it feels like it from the way my belly looks.

Sooooo we know it's a girl now?! Arisa Jane Loup, or AJ. The sonographer let it slip. I'm relieved to know. Charlie was NOT happy. Not not happy it's a girl--just not happy that he doesn't get to have a surprise. Very unhappy about that. I suppose there's always next time? (Unless there's not a next time).

She is SO ACTIVE. I love watching my belly move around with her movements. It really is fun to feel her inside of me (until she grabs an ovary and I flinch).

It's amazing to think that she's half me and half Charlie. I know you're thinking "duh, that's what babies are"--but it's different, I guess when you think about your own child. I'm really excited she's half Charlie. That can only be good. She's going to have him wrapped around her little finger, anyhow.

It's also amazing to think about how God picked her out for US. That he designed her to be ours and to live in this time for a purpose. I love that. I hope we can instill destiny and purpose and hope into her little heart. Play a role in it, at least.

I read a psalm the other night that said something like "God sends His spirit to earth, creates/brings new life, and the earth is renewed." I think that's what new life does--what children do. They renew the earth.

I threw my back out over Christmas. It sucked. I'm trying really hard to be positive and play the "glad game"--I decided that I was glad that if I had to be couch-bound, that it was wonderful I was home so I had people to talk to. Otherwise, I would have been stuck at home very, very bored. My back is feeling much better now, although still a bit stiff at times. At least I don't need assistance to make it to the bathroom anymore!

Confession: I'm kind of really nervous about becoming a mom. SO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY! I'm scared I'm not up to the challenge. My doctor said that the fact I'm nervous means that I have nothing to worry about. This is just such a big deal. How can something that happens every single day (thousands of times every day) be such a huge deal?! It happens every day like it's nothing, but--it's LIFE. New life. SO many changes. God, I need your grace!! And wisdom! And peace!