no bride-zillas allowed.

okay. so the engagement pictures and story will soon come, but i feel like i need a little wedding-planning vent.
already...?
so i've gotten mixed reactions about the engagement. well, no. i take that back. -every- person has been really excited and asked to see the ring and tells me how pretty it is and how sweet and perfect the proposal was (which is allll true.) they ask me how long we've been together (which is complicated because it's somewhere between a very "official" 1.5 years to a less official 2... to an actual 10.5). but anyhow. then the question comes.
"well, i know it's early, but have you set a date?"
to which i reply "august 8th" and then wait for the response:
"you -really- think you're going to plan a wedding in 3 months? are you crazy?!"
"are you pregnant? i mean... there's nothing WRONG with that... but... ARE YOU?"
"wooooow. that's... ...fast."
"oooh. okay. wait. you mean this year?"
etc.
i didn't think much of it when we finally decided on the day. it's the simplest way. i feel like that date BEST accomplishes our purpose. it's convenient... it's not during school... and frankly. we've been talking about getting married for about 2 years now... and i'm just tired of talking about it. i want to BE married to Charlie Loup. i want to be his wife and wake up with him next to me. i want to come home to him in the evenings and fall asleep with him on the couch and then go to bed with him. i want to do our grocery shopping with him. i want to know him the way you can ONLY know someone when you live with them. i -need- more time with him. i just... can't get enough.
why should i have to justify all of this?
why should there be this stigma that the only reason you'd have a quick engagement is because you're pregnant? WHY have weddings turned into this BIG production where you try to impress you guests with how elaborate they are...? why is it okay that wedding planning books TEACH you how to become a bridezilla?
why can't we go back to the original intention? why can't we go back to the VOWS and the true heart of the ceremony? it's to cause two to become one. it's to surround yourself with those people most important to you. it's... ugh.
why is this becoming about $100/head meals and whether or not i can afford to give every guest an amazing present and if it's tacky or not to reuse the ceremony chairs for the reception chairs...? WHY?
PLEASE help me stay accountable to my ideals. i want it to be simple... stripped down to the basics. i want this to be a fun process... one that truly reflects charlie and my relationship... and one that will only bring us closer together.

you probably all know by now...
and pictures are soon to follow..
but i am the future mrs. charles wilson loup, jr!
this makes me very happy.

i'm feeling quite fortunate

between the years of 1938 and 1971 thousands of women were administered an estrogen-type drug to help prevent miscarriages. Although previous research concluded that the drug could have detremental effects, it was not officially stopped by the FDA until 1971, when researches concluded its effects.
by then, we had an entire generation of DES daughters and sons.
my grandmother took this chemical, and as a result, my mother and aunts are DES daughters.
i was speaking with an employee today and asked her about her family. the conversation led to the fact that she was unable to have children because of her mom taking DES. she said she had gone to the Mayo clinic (i'm pretty sure) and they told her she was actually just lucky to be alive, but would never be able to bear children.
i suddenly felt so lucky... maybe i should say -blessed-... to be alive... to have cousins... to have aunts who are all still alive.
admittedly, we have had certain related DES problems, but nothing so bad as the compltete inability to bear children or death.
i suddenly feel God's hand in all of our lives... His grace to us in spite of man's ignornace.

the lake

i'm so booooored.
in fact, i'm so bored i can't even come up with anything interesting to say.
maybe if i start typing something will come to me.
at 2 i have a meeting with administration at work. they had a pilot program where "team members" could submit ideas pertaining to hospital improvements. i submitted a couple of ideas, and they called me to ask if i could come to a meeting with people in charge of implementing my idea to talk with them about it.
the pickle i find myself in NOW, is that i have no idea which (or even the specifics of WHAT) idea they want me to discuss. hopefully they'll just read the idea off to the pros and i won't really have to say anything. but what do you bet they say, "welcome stephanie. why don't you share your idea with all of us." and then i stammer and stutter and say "umm... i don't remember what it was...?" i'm sure that will be the real selling point i try to harp on. hah. but maybe not. i'm leaving here in around 4 weeks anyway. that's not enough time for them to ruin my career here at the lake.
you know, this entry level job has taught me so much. being a woman, who feels like she deserves some respect, i... i find myself really feeling some bitterness toward the uppity top-ranked boss-type people. and... i'm not sure what it is. maybe if they felt approachable. or if they took time to learn names...? OR. if they would EVER. do a simple thing for themselves.
i understand that i am here to get things done for people. and i don't mind. for people with good attitudes. but many times, by the time they explain to me (or someone else) what they want me to do... they could have done it themselves. twice. or when they approach me with a "why didn't you do this" attitude, and i've already made a call to have it taken care of... ugh.
i've always seen myself someday taking some kind of leadership role. i hope i'll always remember working here and be able to translate that into how i treat people who are entry-level.
moms who never had the chance to go to school.
grandmothers who take so much pride in what they do.

EDIT: and remind me again why the people who always complain about HOW MUCH they have to do, always have the most time to sit around and tell people about how much they have to do?

"why would the Lord raise up a Christian nation only for it to fall."

i have so many issues with this statement i may implode.