34 weeks

I'm 34 weeks! eek!

Yesterday I had an OB appointment. I'm measuring a little small, so I'm going back on Monday to get a growth ultrasound on AJ. My OB wasn't concerned--she just thinks I'll probably have a 6-7# baby instead of an 8-9# baby. But I know a LOT of people who were told their baby was one size and they delivered quite a different size. Soooo who knows. But I believe Miss AJ is just fine. I've gotten bigger over the last few weeks and she is VERY active.

My shower is on Sunday! I'm excited. I'm still trying to figure out what shoes to wear, but Mrs. Annie's Christmas present got me a lovely dress for the event. Baby girl clothes are so cute. I can't wait to get everything washed and have the room complete.

I'm still overwhelmed at the thought of being a mom. It's something I've wanted for forever, but now the reality of it is--a lot! Well, everything I read says feeling like that means I'm going to be a good mom. So yes. I AM going to be a good mom.

My parents are moving next Wednesday! I'm so excited for their new adventure. I know God has so many good things in store for them. And for the church they're joining. I can't wait to visit.

determined

I've been thinking a lot about "theodicy"--trying to sort through bad things happening to people (God's people). Does God cause it? Why does God allow it?

I'm reading through the Bible in a year, and I decided to do it historically this year rather than the order books are in the Bible. So I just finished Genesis, and the next book is Job. And I thought "Gee great. This is going to be SO ENCOURAGING. Just what I need." {that's dripping in sarcasm}

But fortunately, my dad just sent me his NIV study Bible to use, and I decided to read through the intro for background on the book. Wow. Studying the Bible is so much different than reading it. SO MUCH DIFFERENT. Job's friends believed he was being punished by God. We all sin. God is perfect. Therefore, bad things=God's judgment.

But his friends forgot that there's a third party that butts its way into God's ordained and designed God-man relationship--His pinnacle of creation. Satan (the accuser) enters into the scene. Since he knows he can't beat God in the end he tries his damnedest to separate man from God and God from man. He tempts and he accuses. He tries his hardest to drive an irremovable wedge between that sacred relationship we have with our Creator Father. That's the only way he can see to win. Unfortunately, it works at times.

I've been overwhelmed with two horrific stories this past week of fallen humanity and that wedge that Satan can drive between God and man. Even men who profess to love God.

God, let it not be so with me.

We need to stick with God in that divine relationship he designed. Christ in me, the hope of glory. Glory is the manifestation of all of God's excellencies.

Christ in me, my hope to manifest the amazing qualities of God. As he designed me to do. Created in His image. Empowered by Christ's work and the Holy Spirit inside of me.

the paradox

A. W. Tozer got to the heart of this mystery when he wrote that Christians are crazy in Roots of Righteousness:

"A real Christian is an odd number anyway. He feels supreme love for One whom he has never seen, talks familiarly every day to Someone he cannot see, expects to go to heaven on the virtue of Another, empties himself in order to be full, admits he is wrong so he can be declared right, goes down in order to get up, is strong when he is weakest, richest when he is poorest, and happiest when he feels worst. He dies so he can live, forsakes in order to have, gives away so he can keep, sees the invisible, hears the inaudible, and knows that which passes knowledge."

31 weeks

Almost 32. AJ has tripled in size over the last couple of weeks. At least it feels like it from the way my belly looks.

Sooooo we know it's a girl now?! Arisa Jane Loup, or AJ. The sonographer let it slip. I'm relieved to know. Charlie was NOT happy. Not not happy it's a girl--just not happy that he doesn't get to have a surprise. Very unhappy about that. I suppose there's always next time? (Unless there's not a next time).

She is SO ACTIVE. I love watching my belly move around with her movements. It really is fun to feel her inside of me (until she grabs an ovary and I flinch).

It's amazing to think that she's half me and half Charlie. I know you're thinking "duh, that's what babies are"--but it's different, I guess when you think about your own child. I'm really excited she's half Charlie. That can only be good. She's going to have him wrapped around her little finger, anyhow.

It's also amazing to think about how God picked her out for US. That he designed her to be ours and to live in this time for a purpose. I love that. I hope we can instill destiny and purpose and hope into her little heart. Play a role in it, at least.

I read a psalm the other night that said something like "God sends His spirit to earth, creates/brings new life, and the earth is renewed." I think that's what new life does--what children do. They renew the earth.

I threw my back out over Christmas. It sucked. I'm trying really hard to be positive and play the "glad game"--I decided that I was glad that if I had to be couch-bound, that it was wonderful I was home so I had people to talk to. Otherwise, I would have been stuck at home very, very bored. My back is feeling much better now, although still a bit stiff at times. At least I don't need assistance to make it to the bathroom anymore!

Confession: I'm kind of really nervous about becoming a mom. SO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY! I'm scared I'm not up to the challenge. My doctor said that the fact I'm nervous means that I have nothing to worry about. This is just such a big deal. How can something that happens every single day (thousands of times every day) be such a huge deal?! It happens every day like it's nothing, but--it's LIFE. New life. SO many changes. God, I need your grace!! And wisdom! And peace!