an attempt at vulnerability

i'm not perfect.
(although sometimes i try to appear that way...)
i want people to like me.
sometimes i try to fit in.
i can be stubborn and am almost always opinionated.
my greatest fear is rejection.
i am anxious about change.
i get anxious about feeling like things will NEVER change.
i am very emotional.
VERY.

this video is worth your time.

stalling out (and far from over)

MuteMath - Stall Out (Flesh And Bones Electric Fun DVD) part 8 from Alex Khozyaskij on Vimeo.

how lovely are your dwelling places, oh Lord of Hosts! my flesh and my heart sing for joy to the living God! psalm 84:1-2

steph: the white girl

for christmas, my dear squeenchy mother-in-law gave us 3 of her favorite books. one of them?
he's the author of "stuff white people like"... this is like a sequel. welllllll. i started browsing the topics in the book and laughed heartily over and over again. I AM SO WHITE!

although there were MANY funny things i recognize in the broader white community, here are a few of the things i was shocked peg me as a white girl.

LIKING:
-foreign accents
-unpaid internships (costa rica! and i wouldn't have wanted to be paid for it!)
-punk rock (apparently we've all unashamedly dabbled in it at one point?)
-promising to learn a new language (i REALLY want to nail down Spanish.)

it only gets weirder. white people like
-BERRY PICKING? how did he know?!
-community supported agriculture?! (charlie and i have been planning out how he could start one of these!)
-whole wheat (duh.)
-anthropology (but their stuff is SOOO pretty!)
-monty python (although he EVEN knew women hate it because the men in their life quote it FAR too often!)
-losing weight (how is that ALWAYS on my list of things to do?)
-trader joe's! (i've never even BEEN there and love it!)
-products made by people named tom (but they give away shoes!)
-world music (arahdna, anyone?)
-sweaters (has anyone seen my cardigan collection?)
-road trips (charlie and i are planning one up to canada! uhhh, melissa, leslye, can we stop by?!)
-not vaccinating children (maybe not completely. but we're going to seriously look into it.)
-swimming (swimming lessons? for 7 years?)
-HUMMUS! (really? only white people?)
-heirloom tomatoes! (i've been asking charlie to plant some!)
-where the wild things are! (i bought that for my fox-e nephew!)
-long distance relationships (umm... maybe he modeled this book after my life?)
-growing their own food (charlie's ordering spring and summer vegetable seeds like a maniac. if we don't end up selling in a farmer's market, we're going to be eating a fully vegetable diet!)
-the office
-being offended (for other people! i take a lot personally even when it has nothing to do (directly) with me)
-thailand (seriously?!)

almost 40 of the 92 things i strongly identified with. i think 40 is more than coincidence.

ha. i always knew i was pasty. hope you were as humored by this as me!

twothousandeleven

so this is the new year...
i don't feel any different.

but i did want to post, since i haven't at all this year.

i've been on a hot tea kick.


anytime my tummy hurts ^
in the morning with a little bit of splenda and milk^

^mixed with v

right before bed with a little bit of honey^