the natural state

we recently took a trip to arkansas! we actually started out the trip quite hilariously. we got on the road late and stopped by 3 different places looking for fresh shrimp. nothin. i think it must be scarce with everything going on in the gulf. when we got less than an hour down the road charlie started yelling and covering his mouth and nose with his shirt. it was pernky. at first i couldn't smell it... then it was the worst smell i've ever smelled. pernky. i guess she had a lot of trauma to her body when she was in the puppy mill... but every once in a while when she gets nervous, she oozes...? something? really foul. so we had an emergency on our hands. we kept the windows down until we got to a walmart to get febreeze and a pet store to get her a doggy diaper.
if this isn't amazing, i'm not sure what is.

after a few more delays, we made it to arkansas in 9.5 hours. ugh.

on sunday-tuesday we went up the northern arkansas to a log cabin. it was PERFECT. quiet. tucked in the woods. AIR CONDITIONED. fresh spring water... and bear creek right in the back yard! the men went fishing, we had s'mores over the outdoor fire one night... and we went canoeing down the buffalo as well as hiking around it!



after the buffalo, we went back to arkansas and had good family time together. we even went blueberry picking. i love a berry. and my family. the pictures don't do justice to susan's belly. it's big!

mrs.

today it was suggested to me that all i will ever do with my life is be a mom/housewife.

since i can't seem to pick a career/educational program... i may not be a "career woman". i WANT to be a mom and i'd love to be able to stay home with them.

however. that isn't very nice to tell someone that's all they're going to do.

meet moomoo!

our foster pup!






we love moomoo. charlie's aunt found her in the back of her house... and she's SO precious.. very submissive (i think she's been beaten...) but she and rufie get along great, and we can't take her to the pound! i'm hoping either risa an judah can keep her or that it'll work for us to keep her. we don't know how big she's going to get though...? we don't know how old she is or what kind of dog(s) she has in her. but she's a sweeeeet keeper!

OH. and after reading sarah's post, i have to mention a running milestone of my own! i know it doesn't sound like much, but i ran 1 mile straight yesterday! for the first time! ever!! i'm on my way to a 5k!

just a'dreamin

you created me to represent you here on earth--that people might see your image in me, that i could point them back to you.
how can i take that lightly?
although i know, at times, i don't bear your image well... it's still in me. i believe as a couple, charlie and i are called to help uncover God's image in people. especially broken people.
when a person breaks a bone, calcium is infused into the breaking point, causing it to be stronger than it was before the break. i believe that is a microcosm of what God does to our brokenness... He infuses it. he (miraculously) allows us to be stronger than before. because He is there in our brokenness.
my whole life i've been a dreamer. i imagine where i'll go and what i'll do. what i'll say... who i'll meet. i've dreamed i'll do big things with my life...
i believe i'm finding that allowing God to infuse himself into our brokenness... and uncovering His image in all of His people (read:REDEMPTION)... is perhaps the greatest thing i could see happen in my life.

time for a job blog.

I'm really pretty lucky to have the job I have. 3 days a week it's only an 8 minute drive to work. I have some flexibility with taking time off. It's easy... low stress. And it pays as well as any job (unfortunately) I can find right now. I also work with some pretty fun people.

The down-side? No benefits. Not a one. And. Once again. I've discovered that I NEED autonomy and creativity in a job. The job is so simple and mindless that I zone out all day and make stupid mistakes. The less I have to think, the less I think.

Last weekend I got to go up to Arkansas for an event my college job was putting on for seniors. I got to talk on a panel about living with legacy after college. It was honestly hard to process the journey I've been on since college. I was a director of Leaders' Scholars Institute at JBU. I thought about leadership and legacy constantly. Weekly... daily, I was allowed creativity, imagination, criticism of our work, LEADERSHIP. Now? I have to search for it. I have to ask God to help me feel purpose in what I'm doing, because technically, I'm just a tech. I'm easily replaceable. It requires no skill. I believe He's shown me why I am in the place I'm at right now... but it's a struggle to find complete satisfaction in that. Maybe just because I'm selfish and I'm in it for me :)

Charlie and I have had a little life-change that I think ties us here for a while. All my dreams about grad-school kind of went out the window. For now at least. (It's NOT a baby. Just in case you were wondering.) It makes me wonder if being a tech at a physical therapy clinic is all there is for me. Not allowing me to use the creative, problem-solving, and other gifts God has given me. I know good can (and is) coming from this job... but it's so difficult to look for. And just be content.

Ugh. I don't know what God has for me in the next few years. I'm sure it's GOOD. I just hope I will hear His voice to identify the purpose in it all.

easter saturday

If I believe one thing about God and the sacrifice of His son, I have to believe in redemption.
The one scene I vividly remember from The Passion of the Christ is when Jesus is carrying the cross to Golgotha, He is met by a friend who is very distraught. Jesus looks him in the eye and proclaims "I make all things new!" That was and is His heart. That is why He made the sacrifice He made. To make ALL things new. You. Me. All creatures. All creation. He is making all things new... into His likeness.
The "Saturday" after his crucifixion, I can imagine, was a dark time. I am sure Christ's disciples and followers were wondering where the redemption was... wondering how all things could be made new in death.
I believe we are living in the Saturday of Easter even now. The sacrifice has been made. The damage has been done against the kingdom of darkness... and yet the Kingdom is already, but not yet. We're waiting in faithful anticipation on the promise that has been made to us.
This is a time where we can allow our faith to grow and mature. We can seek His redemptive power. We can allow ourselves to die with Christ in order to be resurrected with Him in the next day.

p90x

i don't remember exactly how old i was, but sometime in high-school-ish, i started participating in lent. i can't even remember the reason i started doing it, but it's becomes something i look forward to/dread every year. it's a love-hate relationship, really.
in the younger years, i almost always gave up chocolate. chocolate or sweets. but mostly just chocolate. i used to think that was the hardest thing i could do. but since then, i've done some more creative fasts.
my senior year of college, i felt like i needed to give up makeup. i guess it was a time in life when i was really insecure with how i looked... i relied on my little eye-liner security blanket. and it was a challenge. even though i think i -never- looked in the mirror the entire 40 days (so i wouldn't have to see myself...) to my surprise, people really didn't notice. they'd say there was something different about me... but normally guessed something wacky. like my hair. or complexion.
and then this year, i decided to DO something, instead of give something up. exercise. every day. 40 days of exercise. do you know me? do you know i HATE to exercise? and this isn't just a light yoga video... this is P90X. this is what crazy people do. and i hate it. i do. we're almost done. i haven't lost any weight. i still can't finish any (but 3) of the 12 videos. but somewhere along the way, i started enjoying feeling more fit. being exercised-sore instead of tense-sore.

one trend i've noticed in all my "fasts" is that it brings out the worst in me. obviously with more gunk coming out with more extreme fasts. again with the love-hate relationship. i think it's good to practice some discipline. it's good to do something you don't want to do. it's good to push yourself. it's good to be uncomfortable enough for the bad stuff to start making its way out. really, i should probably do these things more often.

AND. even though i say i hate it... it's inspired me to try running once lent is over! i found a training program called "couch to 5k"... so within (at the most) 9 weeks, i should be able to run 3 miles! i've never been able to comfortably run one! yay!