28 weeks

I need to take a belly pic. People are starting to really comment that I look pregnant. It's kind of fun! I'm surprised that 1) I don't mind the attention, and 2) I don't mind when people touch my belly! I thought I would hate that. But I don't mind it.

The baby is moving a LOT. A lot a lot. Very active. I'm enjoying that quite a bit, too.

Pregnancy has been a most unusual season for me. It started off with morning sickness. Well, before that with a tiny bit of shock and awe. And then lots and lots of morning sickness and sleeping. And throwing up and sleeping. And not moving and sleeping. And gagging and sleeping. You get the gist. I thought it would never end, and I thought that I would never forget how terrible it was. Moms would say, "I know it doesn't feel like it, but the hardness of this time will be SO worth it, and you'll kind of forget how hard it was." I didn't believe them. And then around week 18 I started feeling better. About a month later, sure enough, the pain of the previous 3 months had already started to dissipate. And then I was happy and I could actually imagine having the baby and being able to take care of the baby.

And then. A season unlike any I've ever experienced. My dad said maybe it's a part of the curse. The curse put on the world when Adam and Eve sinned--that woman would bear pain with childbirth. And maybe the childbirth isn't just the physical act of giving birth, but the process of becoming a mom. The awesome--responsibility of being responsible for a LIFE! For bringing someone into the world and caring for them, and teaching them, and protecting them, and giving them your whole self. Giving up control. Giving up selfishness. Growing.

I've never pressed in to God so... relentlessly. It's been scary and terrifying and desperate. I know God says He uses the hard times--He can work all things for good--He will complete the work He's started in us--He uses the hard times as an entrance into our hearts. I know He uses the hard times to teach us how to depend on Him--to rely on Him--to pull closely to Him and cling on tightly.

He has placed people in my life to pray and encourage and stand with me. He's given me undeniable peace at strategic moments. I've never desired to be close to God more than now--to feel Him--to hear Him--to follow His leading. To  be FILLED with the spirit.

I know once again that, like morning sickness, healing will come. That there will come a day when I no longer remember the pain from this season. And then, as John 16:21 says, "It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world." 

God loves me

I'm kind of overwhelmed right now by the number of people that God has prompted to think about me or pray for me this weekend.

God loves me. His love is amazing, steady and unchanging, His love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet.

For the future...

We don't know who our baby is yet. We don't know boy or girl or size or shape or personality. But we know that God has GOOD things for baby Loup. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

I believe God has spoken to me about how baby Loup will be a peacemaker--will sow seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness (James 3). There is a call of God on baby Loup.

I look forward to baby Loup's first smile. I look forward to bonding times with baby Loup--like nursing and bathing and the times we're up together late at night. My mom said these times are the glue that hold a family together. What makes you a unit.

I look forward to watching Charlie as a dad. Watching as he teaches them to fish and hunt and play outside. How we'll go on family walks together, vacations together, trips to see my family together. We'll praise God in church together. Read bible stories together. Share God's faithfulness together. Play games together. Be silly together. Build sand castles together.

We'll be able to watch Baby's personality grow and giftings develop. To see the world through the eyes of a child.

Thankful part 2

I have more to be thankful for than that first list.

I get to be the middle sister. I have a big sister, and I have a little sister. I get to BE a big and little sister. That's something special and fun. And plus, having sisters is the best. Having MY sisters is the best.

I didn't get into nursing school. I would not have made a good nurse. I thank God that he closed that door for me so I could do something that I really love.

He put it in my heart to be an RD and I was drawn to the program in Minnesota when he finally started opening the doors for me to go back to school. From the way I looked at the program and talked about the program, Charlie knew we would be moving to Minnesota. And it was 2 of the best years. The maple-syruping. The checking on Charlie's chickens. The cutting down fresh Christmas trees. The walks in the snow and playing with the puppies in the snow. The trip to South Dakota. The days and nights cozied up inside. The experiences I had through my program.

I applied for a fellowship to learn more about developmental disabilities. My professors guaranteed me a spot in the program because I was the nutrition student that was applying. Months after I applied and was on summer break, God spoke to me that I wouldn't get into the program. A couple days later, I got an email from a professor telling me that I hadn't gotten in (she couldn't understand why?!) but that she wanted to offer me an assistantship with her. It turns out that the fellowship was down-funded, so my assistantship was MUCH better paid with MUCH fewer hours. AND I got to work with leaders in the field of maternal and child nutrition. I even got to go to an all paid conference in Kansas City as a part of the experience.

I am thankful I know I have celiac disease. I feel so much better following the gluten free diet than I have in years. I don't ache all the time anymore. I'm thankful God provided that answer.

I mentioned it last night, but I am thankful for the childhood I had growing up. My mom was able to stay home with us--we did fun things with her. She'd have hot cookies waiting for us when we got home. She spent time with us, teaching us how to cook. She'd treat us on Fridays to a donut. She encouraged us to read. She read us books about other countries and missionaries so we would have a world-view.

I come from a long line of Jesus-followers. That's pretty special. My mom was telling me last night about how her grandmother prayed for her mom and siblings. Mom's mom prayed for her and her siblings. Mom prays/ed for me, Susan, and Stacy. And I will love and pray for my children. I will be able to pass on the long legacy of loving God and loving people to my children. That started before me and it will continue into my children's children.

We used to go to the beach every summer with all of our cousins. It was the most fun. We'd get sunburnt and jelly-fish-stung and find shells on the beach and write on the tables at Fudpuckers.

God has put a burning love in me and Charlie for family. It's the most important thing to the both of us. God's put it on our hearts to adopt and foster and graft the riches of the Kingdom into His little ones. That's something we'll do together. He's also given Charlie (and in grad school gave me) a vision for New Roads--of getting healthy food to people who don't have access to it. Of teaching skills and work ethic to kids. Of pouring into people. Of seeing His Kingdom come to earth.

I am thankful for the example my parents have set. Their relentless pursuit of God and authenticity. How they lean on each other and support one another. But how they always look to God.

I am thankful Charlie and I have fun together. I'm thankful for our walks in the back--scooping for crawfish, watching the birds, stalking the roseate spoonbills. Picking blackberries. Letting the dogs swim. Watching goofy chase bugs. Or when we would go to the dog park in Minnesota. Playing War and how Charlie wins EVERY TIME. Cooking together. Fishing together. Car rides together.

I'm thankful we found Punkin. A few weeks ago we took the dogs on a walk in the back, and lost track of Punkin. After looking for her for over 2 hours, we were both convinced she had been eaten by an alligator or had drowned. I was a mess. As we were driving home, we got a call from Risa. Charlie's aunt had just driven by, and saw a dog by a trashcan on the side of the road that looked like one of our dogs. Sure enough, it was Punkin who had walked over 2 miles and across 2 highways and a railroad track. It was a miracle from God. No doubt. That silly little dog was protected by angels!

I'm thankful that God was so real to me at a young age--and how I have years of experiences and encounters with God that can encourage me when I'm feeling discouraged.

i am blessed

A very blessed woman. When I think about my life--everything God has given me. The family life I had growing up. My godly parents. A good education both in high school and in college. Getting to attend JBU. Learning about integrating faith and knowledge.

My husband. Charlie deserves like a 5 page book on why I am a blessed woman. He's patient, kind, thoughtful. He arranged to take my car in to get worked on (and found me an alternate vehicle to get to work) because he heard my car making a strange noise. He prayed the most beautiful prayer for me tonight.  I have two dogs that I love. I get to have an awesome support system down here found in Charlie's family.

The simple fact that Charlie and I found each other--that God miraculously brought us together and connected us when we were just kids--wow.

I have a job . I have a job where I get to serve people God really cares about.

We didn't have trouble getting pregnant. I know so many couples do have a hard time and I think it can feel devastating.

We found a church we love and fit into. We share in their vision and mission and have met some wonderful people there.

My life is GOOD. God is GOOD. my future is going to be GOOD.

Romans 15:13 NLT

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.